Merle the Martian

Meet Merle

It was a hot, dusty day in Aphelion (Mars’ 5th season), when the most peculiar little Martian was born. He had skin the color of the Aurora Borealis, eyes as pink and big as Olympic Mons, and a sweet peanut-smile that put even human babies to shame. His parents, Mork and Mindy Martian, named him Merle (a definitively unique name no matter where in the milky way you live) and so began Merle’s misfit journey to colonize the greatest car wash on Earth.

The Loner

You see, Merle never quite fit in on Mars. Most Martians love dust. The dirtier, the grimier, the cruddier, the more bedraggled a situation; the more Merle’s classmates loved it. Merle, on the other hand, had a different set of priorities. He valued organization, detail, tidiness. He valued the sound his Moon Bounce Sneakers made when he walked across the Moon Ball Court early in the mornings on the way to Astronomy class. He shied away from the slovenly and embraced the immaculate. In short, Merle was a visionary, but like many of his Earthly contemporaries, not a very popular one.

The Moment of Truth

On Saturday nights when the other Martians were out crashing their UFOs into huge sand dunes and breathing the polluted air from gigantic dust storms, Merle sat home planning. He doodled constantly, crumpling up paper after paper, furiously scribbling under the light of Phobos. Eventually, his parents became concerned: “Merle, honey, why don’t you go out with your friends and try and find that pesky Rover that’s always knocking things over?” said Mindy.

“Mom, do you think there is a place out there where I might really belong?” responded Merle. Mork and Mindy looked at Merle hesitantly. They had always known Merle stuck out a little, but had never thought it bothered him. Before either parent could speak, Merle, quite brilliantly, answered his own question. “I’ve heard of this place called Earth. I hear it has this thing called ‘water.’ I understand they like hygiene, sterilized medical utensils, and German-made vehicles. I think I could make that place my home. I think I could have friends there.” At that moment, he unrolled a 200ft long scroll across the dining room table and stood back.

On the scroll were the elaborate plans for the most modern, technologically savvy, well-lit, customer service driven car wash the universe would ever know. His parents stood, gills hanging open, eyeballing Merle’s life’s work for a full 39 minutes and 35 seconds before Mork finally said, “Son, don’t forget to phone home.”

The Future

And that’s it! Merle packed his things, popped in his ride, hit a slight snag in Roswell, and landed in St. Louis, MO, Earth. He began construction on his Ellisville location in March of 2016 and developed an elaborate customer membership program to ensure he would never feel lonely again. The great news, even though the customer loyalty program is pretty dang impressive, Merle hardly even needs it. You see, Merle had big dreams and a big heart (which is also pretty unusual considering most Martians don’t technically have a functioning cardiovascular system). His passion was bringing his out-of-this-world love for clean to Earth, where we needed his help. All Merle really wants is to make us happy through convenient and high-value car cleaning services and in-exchange, we give him what he’s always wanted: a cleaner world and long-lasting friendships.